I've been running in place, trying to catch up to my life...
I've been stressing myself out, trying to figure things out...
I've been pushing myself to my limits...when all I need, is to take it day by day...
It's been nearly a month since my surgery, and I've been going strong each day to not just be there for myself and for my wife, but to be there in every way...but all I need to do...is to just be there...loving...
It's taken me a trip to the ER, increasing arguments and disconnection with my wife and friends to make me realise this...and to let go of the past...
As I was told last night...I've been given a new life...a new chance to live, a new chance to love, a new beginning that I would have never had if I had not had this surgery...
A surgery that came hard and fast, and that put everything into perspective, everything into a new pathway, everything into a new light...
I'm going to take that light, that beginning...create a doorway with it, and walk through...and step into a new reality...one that I've created for myself, one that is going to help me, and help others in the biggest way possible...and to help heal...and slow down the pace that I'm going at...
There is new life after surgery, new paths to be explored, new discoveries to be found...all in good time, and all as recovery comes through...
I may have 3 months or 1 year off or more to recover...but I will...and not overpush or overbalance...there is much to be learned by just taking it one day at a time :-)
As long as I have love...that's all that really matters...not much else makes sense :-)
I have a long road ahead of me, full of challanges and days...but I will feel my way through, and plan...I have a year anniversary ahead of me...I want to be there for her when we get to that mark :-)
Until then...one day at a time...and one moment at a time...to love, to hope...to find your own way...that's all that really matters :-)
Thank you baby for opening my eyes...I love you, always :-)
Chris L Fink, January 20th/2010, +29 days since open heart surgery
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I love you too baby. You do mean the world and beyond to me as I have said so many times in our year together. With so much that has happened in our lives since meeting up with each other (again). I love you more and more each day. Every day and minute is a joy being your wife, girlfriend, lover, friend and confidante. I LOVE YOU DEEPLY.
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