The Path undone

I have come through a path of Shadows...a path I was never meant to take...

I have seen the darkness in the world, have seen the endless harm and destruction, the killing and the damage done...

I've been there, done that, been through relationships of pure hell, situations of my own making, and people that I should have never met...but did...

It's taken me 10 years to figure out why I went shadow...and to figure out why I did what I did...and why 20 years of memories don't make sense...

I took the easy way out, I took the path most followed to get things done...and never followed the path less followed, the way I was meant to take...

The first steps I took were the right ones, but I got distracted, got sidetracked...

I now know my path...

Balance and Love are now the keys to who I am, and it's letting me see all of my memories in a new light...not critcal of myself, but understanding as to what they are all about...

Surgeries, relationships, fighting...some of it should have never happened...but did...and I learn from that...

I'm taking time to feel more comfortable in my own skin...feel more comfortable with life, and be able to move on...

I shake my head, realizing that all that I had done was not for not....but that it was a path I never was supposed to take...

I'm going to shoot for the stars now, not rewind, but press play on my life...

All the realizations were stepping stones to this one...to the Big One...

I love my friends and family that I have now...and to all of them...I thank you more deeply than ever and give you a bear hug...I wish I could do something to help you...but the one thing I can always offer-is my friendship :-)

I still have a lot of work ahead of me...to fully balance my soul and see things for what they really are...but I know I can do it...

Life is not meant to be lived as a struggle, but as a journey...I'm going to live it that way from here on in, taking that one step every day to make it happen and see every day with new eyes...and not let the assholes and the downers get me down...I refuse to...

Tonight I rest, and tomorrow I tackle life honestly...but with the twist that I know me to be me :-)

Until tomorrow, to dreamland :-)

Chris Fink, Oct 6th-7th/2010

5 Rings...

**5 rings**

5 rings...

5 hopes...5 peoples coming together...

millions of people watching...thousands in the stands...

all there to support and cheer...

hope for all humanity in one single event...across lands and oceans and in the air...

a trek to put fire in the belly of the moment, a fire to drive, to push, to let thrive...

moments to cry, moments to cheer, moments to know the power of life standing still, and moments to see the light within...

music to drive, music to determine, ice to be scorned, air to be sliced, snow to be flown, seconds between moments of estacy and misery...

the power of the games is all this and more...a part of humanity for thousands of years, a symbol of unity and of hope...

2010 is not just another year...it's another moment...to reflect these things...and go beyond, make the moments...and find the light within ourselves...to reflect what they are all about...

Chris L. Fink, Jan 31st/2010

copyright Chris L. Fink 2010

Slowing down...and living :-)

I've been running in place, trying to catch up to my life...

I've been stressing myself out, trying to figure things out...

I've been pushing myself to my limits...when all I need, is to take it day by day...

It's been nearly a month since my surgery, and I've been going strong each day to not just be there for myself and for my wife, but to be there in every way...but all I need to do...is to just be there...loving...

It's taken me a trip to the ER, increasing arguments and disconnection with my wife and friends to make me realise this...and to let go of the past...

As I was told last night...I've been given a new life...a new chance to live, a new chance to love, a new beginning that I would have never had if I had not had this surgery...

A surgery that came hard and fast, and that put everything into perspective, everything into a new pathway, everything into a new light...

I'm going to take that light, that beginning...create a doorway with it, and walk through...and step into a new reality...one that I've created for myself, one that is going to help me, and help others in the biggest way possible...and to help heal...and slow down the pace that I'm going at...

There is new life after surgery, new paths to be explored, new discoveries to be found...all in good time, and all as recovery comes through...

I may have 3 months or 1 year off or more to recover...but I will...and not overpush or overbalance...there is much to be learned by just taking it one day at a time :-)

As long as I have love...that's all that really matters...not much else makes sense :-)

I have a long road ahead of me, full of challanges and days...but I will feel my way through, and plan...I have a year anniversary ahead of me...I want to be there for her when we get to that mark :-)

Until then...one day at a time...and one moment at a time...to love, to hope...to find your own way...that's all that really matters :-)

Thank you baby for opening my eyes...I love you, always :-)

Chris L Fink, January 20th/2010, +29 days since open heart surgery