I have seen the darkness in the world, have seen the endless harm and destruction, the killing and the damage done...
I've been there, done that, been through relationships of pure hell, situations of my own making, and people that I should have never met...but did...
It's taken me 10 years to figure out why I went shadow...and to figure out why I did what I did...and why 20 years of memories don't make sense...
I took the easy way out, I took the path most followed to get things done...and never followed the path less followed, the way I was meant to take...
The first steps I took were the right ones, but I got distracted, got sidetracked...
I now know my path...
Balance and Love are now the keys to who I am, and it's letting me see all of my memories in a new light...not critcal of myself, but understanding as to what they are all about...
Surgeries, relationships, fighting...some of it should have never happened...but did...and I learn from that...
I'm taking time to feel more comfortable in my own skin...feel more comfortable with life, and be able to move on...
I shake my head, realizing that all that I had done was not for not....but that it was a path I never was supposed to take...
I'm going to shoot for the stars now, not rewind, but press play on my life...
All the realizations were stepping stones to this one...to the Big One...
I love my friends and family that I have now...and to all of them...I thank you more deeply than ever and give you a bear hug...I wish I could do something to help you...but the one thing I can always offer-is my friendship :-)
I still have a lot of work ahead of me...to fully balance my soul and see things for what they really are...but I know I can do it...
Life is not meant to be lived as a struggle, but as a journey...I'm going to live it that way from here on in, taking that one step every day to make it happen and see every day with new eyes...and not let the assholes and the downers get me down...I refuse to...
Tonight I rest, and tomorrow I tackle life honestly...but with the twist that I know me to be me :-)
Until tomorrow, to dreamland :-)
Chris Fink, Oct 6th-7th/2010
